‘If a book or a poem or a song or a piece of advice speaks to you, it is only because it helped you to translate your own heart to language.’ (McTamaney, 2007).

Discovering Montessori philosophy gave concise language to my heartfelt ideas about children and education and then went a step further to provide strategies and practical applications.  I was inspired as a teacher seven years ago by this education that caters to the child’s spirit – an education of the heart, hands and mind. Now I am being inspired in my new Montessori role – as an expectant parent of a baby boy! 
 
Montessori’s ideas about freedom, independence and respect have driven me as a teacher. These same principles are influencing my hopes and plans for impending parenthood. I know that ideals and reality can be different, and not all my pre-parenting wishes will be fulfilled, but by being guided by a strong set of beliefs, I hope I will have a conscious and consistent approach to parenting. 
 
Dr Montessori recognised the child’s inner drive for independence and the adult’s role to aid this. ‘The adult must give and do what is necessary for the child to act for [themself]…’ (Montessori, 1956, p154).  For me this will mean preparing an environment to enable my son to be successful in doing tasks for himself, such as his daily care tasks and allowing him to concentrate, think for himself and solve his own problems.

My view of freedom for my son is the Montessori view of freedom with limits – liberty but not licence!  I want my son to be free to develop according to the nature of childhood and to be able to express himself by making choices.  Dr Montessori recognised that children have a pace that is different from an adult’s and I hope to not always be rushing him and having him fit into my speed.
 
Respect will form the basis of our family life, positively influencing my son’s feelings of self worth and relationships with others. I strongly believe that every unique stage of childhood should be respected as its own worthwhile stage, not merely as a precursor to the next stage.  There can be such an emphasis on ‘preparation’ but I believe you prepare a child for the future by allowing them to live in their today and meet their current needs.  Respect is about trust in the child and the belief that children can drive their own development if we allow them to.  This negates the need for conscious adult-driven ‘preparation’ and highlights the importance of respecting a child’s self-chosen activities, their need for repetition and viewing their play as their vital work.
 
As a Montessori teacher we follow the child to aid both their development and our own.  As a parent I also hope to take the lead from my son to aid him in developing his own personality, as well as developing myself as a parent because, as Dr Montessori said, ‘We are here to offer to this life, which came into the world by itself, the means necessary for its development, and having done that we must await this development with respect’ (1969, p134).

Tessa McTaylor Montessori Voices April 2008

As a Montessori teacher I chose to follow the Montessori approach with its respectful view of children as intelligent, active learners from birth.  As a new parent I have also chosen to apply Montessori principles so I can take a ‘conscious’ approach to parenting with these same beliefs about my son, Lincoln. 

I have learned that some aspects of the philosophy become far more meaningful in practice. Dr Montessori believed that ‘no child can lead a regular life in the complex world of the adult’ (1956, p64).  An adult-sized environment creates obstacles for young children and the pace and ‘rhythm’ of children differs from that of adults.  While I stated the importance of this during my pregnancy, it has surprised me that this has become of paramount importance since Lincoln’s arrival.  I have become passionate about living Lincoln’s life with him, rather than having him merely as an addition to my adult-paced life. This has created the conscious approach to parenting I had hoped for and by slowing the pace of life down and putting his needs first, having a baby  has truly become the life-changing event people say it is!

I have also learned that some ideas are far easier in theory than in practical application.  In the Montessori philosophy we are prompted to take our lead from the child.  Dr Montessori also valued routine and with a newborn with no obvious sense of order these two concepts seemed like two opposing theories.  I settled this dilemma for myself by viewing routine as being about predictability rather than a timetable or schedule.  I wanted Lincoln to develop trust that his needs would be met and he would receive a consistent response to his early demands.  Now he is 14 weeks old I am managing to combine ‘following the child’ and a routine more successfully by following his cues as the basis to a routine and then ‘tweaking’ to make it effective for both of us.

Some aspects of the philosophy have been more straightforward.  The calmness associated with a Montessori environment has strongly influenced our early days. I strongly believe that the level of stress in babies can often be attributed to the level of stress in parents so aim to keep our expectations reasonable and our days manageable. 

Providing an environment which promotes a sensorial education from birth has also been a natural progression from teaching.   Dr Montessori saw babies as ‘full and complete human beings...absorbing every sight, sound, smell and touch that they experience’ (Seldin, 2007, p23).  Lincoln is given plenty of time each day for free movement and exploration and I am excited about his growing ability to use his hands to explore and the possibilities this creates.  He enjoys being outdoors and I make sure the natural environment also plays a role in his day.
 
While adopting a Montessori approach has not eliminated the difficulties all new parents face, it has provided me with a framework for conscious, respectful parenting and given me a ‘yardstick’ to measure all advice against.  It has also allowed me to add a new perspective and depth to my Montessori experience and not move away from this philosophy I am passionate about while I take a break from teaching.

References
Montessori, M.  (1956). The Child in the Family.  Pan Books: London.
Seldin, T.  (2007).  How to Raise an Amazing Child.  Dorling Kindersley Limited: London.

Tessa McTaylor Montessori Voices September 2008